It looks like Buster the Boxer’s days are numbered. In an impulsive decision last night John Lewis promptly terminated the trampoline-bouncing hound’s contract after their sources exposed Buster was tweeting left-wing propaganda, such as his contempt for Brexit and Donald Trump under the handle “#BustABrex.”
Fiercely right-wing retail company John Lewis had been enjoying the attention Buster was gaining in the media since the launch of their outstandingly hypocritical Christmas television advert, but now it seems the tide has turned.
Andrew Street, managing director for John Lewis clarified, “Naturally peace and goodwill this Christmas should only be for those who wish to get Britain back; we feel this is fair under the current political climate and if you don’t agree you can fuck right off. Buster’s Tweets support Jeremy Corbyn, Thomas Paine and even, dare I say it, Gary Linker; they’ve revealed him as a British traitor and unfortunately this is not in line with our company policy; bad doggie.”
Buster was escorted from the John Lewis’ London HQ by security officers armed with a snare, muzzle and a squeaky toy shoe. “It is with sad regret that we had to let Buster go,” Street continued, “just as our advertising campaign was capturing the hearts and imaginations of younger, potential partisan fascists too.”
Employees at the Oxford Street store appeared distraught at the news. One fledgling assistant wailed how much she trusted Buster, but when she read his tweet claiming Nigel Farage may have been lying to the public, she broke down in tears. “We thought he was on our side,” she explained, “then he posted all this stuff about how cosy Jeremey’s Corbyn’s kennel was. He’s a conspirator and should be put to sleep with all the other leftie pets, like Fred Basset, he voted remain, I’m sure of it.”
A spokesman for the distraught reformist boxer stated outside their modest Sussex home, “Buster is saddened by the termination of his contract, he wanted to express to the public his intentions were to enlighten the board at John Lewis that advertising in right-wing bias newspapers, such as the Daily Mail, was funding a campaign of hate and this contravened the nature of the Christmas message in the advert, but every dog has its day I guess.”
Freshly returned from his arse-licking exercise in Washington Nigel Farage said, “This is disgraceful, I’d have expected it from a chow-chow, French poodle or some other filthy foreign breed of dog but boxers and bulldogs you’d have thought would support the ethos of John Lewis; I will be buying Don’s Mulberry Clifton Smooth Mexican immigrant leather body bag for Christmas from them, but Buster won’t be getting so much as bone from me.”