10 Years a Slave

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The Independent reports “Britain and the EU could take 10 years to reach an agreement on trade in the wake of Brexit, the UK’s top ambassador to Brussels has reportedly warned ministers.”

By which time, economic experts claim, the majority of leave voters will be dead, senile or living in a virtual reality world where everyone is a white, middle-class Creationist Christian.

The experts continue to explain leave voters will probably be held captive in a new Russian Empire concentration camp and fed Lidals own make of Weetabix.

Predictions that the pound will be worth half a gnat’s scrotum on the world financial market have been labelled as grossly overestimated.

Thersea May has welcomed the predictions and intends to speed up the process of triggering article 50 by frowning for photos. “The funny thing is,” she tells Poop Scoop exclusively, “everytime I frown the pound goes down.”

Ukip leader MP Paul Nuttal said, “way to go to get our country back; just think, in ten years time we’ll have the great put back into Britain and it’ll be just like the old days where you beat your wife, burn witches and let your kids go on “Jim’ll Fix It.”

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