Wild speculation abound on social media at the emergency meeting of all Buckingham Palace staff has been quenched by media stating there’s no concern, for humans. An announcement is due later today expected to reveal the arrival of a giant flying saucer from a planet two-hundred light years away. The vast vessel landed in the palace grounds and an alarmed corgi woke the Queen. An alien leader greeted her and explained they’d tracked a fugitive from a grotesque warrior race to this location. The warrior is said to be highly dangerous. Upon hearing the description the Queen showed the alien … Continue reading Queen Calls Emergency Meeting as Spaceship Lands to Take Thersea May Back to Home Planet.
The Driver and Vehicle Standards Agency has announced a shakeup of the driving test to update its antiquated procedures in line with the modern world. Operating a sat-nav with a disposable salad fork while stopped at traffic lights is one of the lesser controversial new skills under scrutiny. Teaching young drivers how to Order at a drive-thru while being nagged by a girlfriend could cut congestion at fast food outlets, the DVSA advise. Driving with a Big Mac meal on your lap is another new element to the test, along with adjusting the drinking spout on a Starbucks coffee cup on … Continue reading Driving Test Changes: Can you drive while balancing a Big Mac on your lap?
This morning NASA’S Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter has picked up a green flare, coming from the planet surface, with a green mist behind it and it’s directed at London. Tracking stations in Bermuda, Houston, Canberra and Madrid have mysteriously gone offline. President Trump is said to be making a statement in two hours time expected to call a planetary state of emergency. Until then it is advisable to stay in your homes, watch the Andrew Mar Show and eat a sausage sandwich; unless you voted to remain in the EU. Those who did will be armed with a saucepan and posted … Continue reading GREEN MIST COMING FROM MARS
News concerning Cadbury’s announcement that the price of their Flakes are to rise a staggering twenty percent have been slammed as fake. A spokesman for Cadbury’s, Drake Lake released a statement directed to all fake news sites not to make fake news about Flake news. Fake news site were quick to respond, claiming the fake Flake news was not fake but alternative fact. Meanwhile alternative fact sites were slammed for claiming an alternative fudge recipe is used to bake their fudge cake. Drake said, “for Christ’s sake, fake Flake news and alternative Fudge cake facts are caked with fake facts … Continue reading Flake News is Fake News
UKIP leader Paul Nuttall admitted past claims that he lost “close personal friends” in the eruption of Mount Vesuvius in 79AD was a slight fib. He told Pompeii Radio City “someone he knew” had died in the tragedy, went on to claim he was also on the Titanic during its disastrous maiden voyage in 1912, and even stated he witnessed the asteroid crashing into the Earth which caused the extinction of the dinosaurs in the Cretaceous period too. The MEP, who is standing in the Stoke Central by-election, said those casting doubt on whether he was at such historic disasters … Continue reading Paul Nuttall was NOT on the Titanic
Mattel’s new shape Barbie failed audition for McDonald’s Christmas Ad. Despite Mattel releasing three new Barbie dolls of varying skin tones and body shapes, this particular model failed an audition for the McDonald’s Christmas advert, a spokesman for the fast food giant said today. “We just didn’t think it reflects our restaurants,” he told Poop Scoop, but we beg to differ. McDonald’s 2016 Christmas advert which features a lonely doll finding love has been praised by critics, however Poop Scoop cannot help but feel this appropriate Barbie would have been the better choice; this or Weebles. Continue reading Mattel’s new shape Barbie failed audition for McDonald’s Christmas Ad.
The Independent reports “Britain and the EU could take 10 years to reach an agreement on trade in the wake of Brexit, the UK’s top ambassador to Brussels has reportedly warned ministers.” By which time, economic experts claim, the majority of leave voters will be dead, senile or living in a virtual reality world where everyone is a white, middle-class Creationist Christian. The experts continue to explain leave voters will probably be held captive in a new Russian Empire concentration camp and fed Lidals own make of Weetabix. Predictions that the pound will be worth half a gnat’s scrotum on … Continue reading 10 Years a Slave