Highway Agency take the Mannequin Challenge….and nobody noticed

Highways England (formerly the Highways Agency,) the government-owned company with the responsibility for managing the motorways and major roads in England took part in the Mannequin Challenge, and nobody noticed. The completely pointless viral video trend, akin to musical statues but for so-called adults has taken over previous pathetic crazes such as planking. It involves everybody standing still for a few seconds as if they were mannequins. In a world of political unrest, starvation and plight, it’s a refreshing change to see populations of developed countries so bored they thought this would be worthy of their time. Jim O’Sullivan, the Chief Executive … Continue reading Highway Agency take the Mannequin Challenge….and nobody noticed

New £10 Note to be Printed on the Back of a Suckling Pig

After a petition to ban the new £5 note attracted more than 100,000 signatures, The Bank of England hit back at campaigners this morning. Yesterday the bank confirmed “the polymer pellet from which the base substrate is made contains a trace of a substance known as tallow.” Tallow, is traditionally derived from beef, mutton or pork at the slaughterhouse or later in the food production process. This produced a backlash of criticism on social media from vegans, vegetarians and religious groups calling to ban the new note. But Poop Scoop caught up with Donald Robertson, of the Audit and Risk Committee … Continue reading New £10 Note to be Printed on the Back of a Suckling Pig

Cabury’s create giant chocolate pork pie.

A giant chocolate pork pie has been created at Cabury’s World to celebrate recent changes in the company policy. Cabury’s new American owners Mondelez have withdrawn from the Fair-Trade scheme, ensuring farmers get a fair price for their cocoa, but promise to continue giving a fair price through their own scheme called Cocoa-Life, which we can rest assured is the same as  Fair-Trade anyway, and they will continue to use the Fair-Trade logo on their packaging despite not using Fair-Trade cocoa, but just because the packaging is a tinsy fib it doesn’t mean anything else about the move is, obviously. It’s … Continue reading Cabury’s create giant chocolate pork pie.

Eddie Hitler Elected UKIP Leader

Working class hero, Edward Hitler has been elected leader of the UK Independence Party, replacing Nigel bullshiting, trump-arse-licking Farage. The 64-year-old Member of the European Parliament for Weston-super-Mare won 62.6% of support among party members by shouting “Have me! Have me, I’m a love albatross!” He promised to “put the great back into Britain by replacing normal condoms with Union Jack rib ticklers.” Mr Hitler defeated former deputy chairwoman Suzanne Evans with a cricket bat to the groin. She responded by announcing to the UKIP conference, “ha, he missed both my legs.” Eddie Hitler plans to celebrate his triumph by … Continue reading Eddie Hitler Elected UKIP Leader

Newly Discovered Nostradamus Predictions: Honey G Wins General Election

Forensic analysis by Oxford University professor Rupert Farquhar has proved the newly discovered document, “notes for Les Propheties book two,” as 100% genuine. The notes, discovered in an old discarded shoe on the back streets of Salon De Provence in France, appear to be the rough transcripts of the apothecary Michel De Nostredame, known to the world as Nostradamus. While critics lambast the predictions of Nostradamus in the first book “Les Propheties,” for being vague and misinterpreted, Dr Farquhar claims “old Nostrils really stepped up his game for the sequel; his predictions are very clear and acute.” In a stark … Continue reading Newly Discovered Nostradamus Predictions: Honey G Wins General Election

BLAIR 2: This Time it’s War

The UK’s population concerned about the recent sway in political stance need worry no more; Blair is back for a sequel and this time it’s war. Well, it was war last time too but least said about that the better. Yeah that’s right Blair is back and he’s God damn pissed off. It’s certainly put my mind at ease. Sure he has all the answers to running the country begs the question, why the fuck didn’t he do them the first time around? If you thought the Jungle Book 2, or remaking Ghostbusters was the bottom of the pile of … Continue reading BLAIR 2: This Time it’s War